The monster
Jul. 17th, 2024 09:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
primeidealJust once it would be really great if I could get a clear, detailed, to-scale photograph of the monster who lives under my bed.
If I describe it in emotional, evocative terms, pointing out how slimy its tail is and how sharp its teeth are and how horrific its roar is, people worry about me and are afraid I'll get eaten. I don't think I'm at particularly high risk of getting eaten, actually! The monster has lived here for years and decades, and has never had the coordination or appetite to eat me! The fact that I've survived with the monster under my bed for so long means I'm more able to handle monsters than most people are.
But if I blithely write it off as "oh, it's nothing, just a monster," people will kind of nod and smile at me and think "okay, it's the kind of monster that kindergarteners have, it'll go away on its own." Well, I'm many years past kindergarten, and it didn't go away on its own. And all things being equal, I prefer not to complain about it to people if there's nothing they can do; that's how monsters reproduce. What if a tiny amoeba monster splits off from my monster and follows my friends home? Then there would be two monsters, that's even worse.
Maybe seeing the monster is just the price I pay for having X-ray vision, but neither of them are anything I had a choice in.
When I bring in an interior designer, they kind of blink and look around the room and ask "is there something I can help you with?" And I say "well, what I'd prefer, if at all possible, would be to not have the monster there."
Just because the monster is always there, doesn't mean I can always perceive it. I'm a fortunate person and have a lot of material possessions! There is often lots of clutter under my bed, between me and the monster. I can't necessarily see it behind all the more immediate things. Only every once in a while, when it makes enough noise to swoop those out of the way, does it occupy the full forefront of the space under my bed.
My parents are excellent parents and love me unconditionally. I'm grateful for their support. But even though I lived under their roof for eighteen years, they can't even see how many claws it has or what shape its tail takes. If they still can't see the monster, I'm not sure anyone else can.
Right now I'm not even asking for the monster to go away. (I mean, yes, I want that too, but one step at a time.) Just an accurate picture that doesn't over- or under-estimate its size and dangers. Is that too much to ask?
If I describe it in emotional, evocative terms, pointing out how slimy its tail is and how sharp its teeth are and how horrific its roar is, people worry about me and are afraid I'll get eaten. I don't think I'm at particularly high risk of getting eaten, actually! The monster has lived here for years and decades, and has never had the coordination or appetite to eat me! The fact that I've survived with the monster under my bed for so long means I'm more able to handle monsters than most people are.
But if I blithely write it off as "oh, it's nothing, just a monster," people will kind of nod and smile at me and think "okay, it's the kind of monster that kindergarteners have, it'll go away on its own." Well, I'm many years past kindergarten, and it didn't go away on its own. And all things being equal, I prefer not to complain about it to people if there's nothing they can do; that's how monsters reproduce. What if a tiny amoeba monster splits off from my monster and follows my friends home? Then there would be two monsters, that's even worse.
Maybe seeing the monster is just the price I pay for having X-ray vision, but neither of them are anything I had a choice in.
When I bring in an interior designer, they kind of blink and look around the room and ask "is there something I can help you with?" And I say "well, what I'd prefer, if at all possible, would be to not have the monster there."
Just because the monster is always there, doesn't mean I can always perceive it. I'm a fortunate person and have a lot of material possessions! There is often lots of clutter under my bed, between me and the monster. I can't necessarily see it behind all the more immediate things. Only every once in a while, when it makes enough noise to swoop those out of the way, does it occupy the full forefront of the space under my bed.
My parents are excellent parents and love me unconditionally. I'm grateful for their support. But even though I lived under their roof for eighteen years, they can't even see how many claws it has or what shape its tail takes. If they still can't see the monster, I'm not sure anyone else can.
Right now I'm not even asking for the monster to go away. (I mean, yes, I want that too, but one step at a time.) Just an accurate picture that doesn't over- or under-estimate its size and dangers. Is that too much to ask?
