primeideal

Again, not really saying anything new here, just trying to articulate part of the problem that makes lots of sense in my head but maybe isn't obvious to everyone else...

( Read more... )

[Edit to add: Last week I lost my wallet on the bus. Reported it to lost and found right away, but no luck. It wasn't stolen/no unexpected credit card transactions, just made me feel like an idiot. But I was able to start the ball rolling on getting stuff replaced, and debit card I was able to get in person rather than by mail, so that was great. I almost mentioned it in the first draft of this post but it's like...it's fine now, I'm not worried.

Then I wrote this entire post and only later did I realize I might. Have left my e-reader with all the annotations/highlights/stuff to remember I just made. On the train. aaaAAAa I will call the lost and found tomorrow but, really feeling like an idiot again. D: ]

Very close to hearing back on the thing I've been working on for the last few months. If it's a rejection I know I'll get over it eventually, but just the nerves of being on tenterhooks for the last few days.

A couple weeks ago we had a snowstorm that, while not as epic as anticipated, was still enough to require a lot of road thawing, so I got two and a half days off of work, which was great. The joke is that I make fun of people out here for not being able to drive in the snow, because where I grew up, most people can and do drive in the snow. "But you can't drive in the snow either." Right, but I also can't drive at all, so that's totally different :P

Anyway, obviously this was a good excuse to revisit "The Worst Journey in the World" and have emotions about it all over again! Maybe this time around I will even get to writing kinkmeme fills because I have a lot emotions, but it's just so hard to keep all the details/canon review stuff in my head at once...

This is probably going to repeat myself from several previous posts (see, "polar nonsense" tag), but I wanted to have it in one place:

( tl;dr )

( Read more... )

In one of Martin Gardner's math columns, he wrote about inductive reasoning and the difficulties trying to generalize from very abstract, closed systems to the real universe. Scientists observe many similar phenomena, and then they try to form rules or hypotheses that explain the overarching pattern. When you make a hypothesis like "All X are Y," then finding a single case of an X that is not Y would falsify the theory, but each individual discovery of a new X that is Y doesn't prove the theory conclusively, only adds more evidence. Gardner cites Paul Berent for examples of how this can go wrong:

A man 99 feet tall is discovered. He is a confirming instance of "All men are less than 100 feet tall," yet his discovery greatly weakens the hypothesis. Finding a normal-size man in an unlikely place (such as Saturn's moon Titan) is another example of a confirming instance that would weaken the same hypothesis.

I think I sometimes have this problem in social settings. I make a new acquaintance. Hypothesis: we have things in common and we can maybe become friends. Evidence: they like talking about baseball, I also like talking about baseball, good! That's a step in the right direction. Another piece of evidence: they complain about a politician I don't like and voted against. This should be another piece of evidence in favor of the hypothesis, but I feel like when I update my probabilities, the hypothesis is now less likely to be true. There's a higher chance that this person has exacting litmus tests for ideological purity, and even if I don't disappoint them on this axis, I will on some other issue, so I might as well get it over with now and back away before either of us are burned further. Obviously this creates lots of problems, like, I don't want to play devil's advocate and defend the politician who I didn't even vote for...

Multiply this by a higher scaling factor if there's a risk that the other person is being hyperbolic/sarcastic/deliberately doomerist for the purposes of ???/The Neurotypicals Are At It Again.

"Hey, primeideal, try this video game, it's fun."
99% of the time: "sounds neat but my hand-eye coordination is garbage and I probably won't have time."
1% of the time: work gives us a snow day, okay, whatever, I'll try.

(this has happened in two consecutive winters now)
But! Like! If it's one of those games where you almost-require a freestanding controller and/or an actual mouse (rather than a touchpad) and/or some accumulated experience with hand-eye coordination games and/or an immense quantity of free time to get through all of it rather than just sit around and beat your head against the wall furiously. You have to tell me that.

And "oh, if you're not ever going to play it yourself, then you can watch someone else play it and they can solve the puzzles..." Like, maybe if I already knew the streamer/was a fan of their style/sense of humor, I could see this being something I would do. But. "I'm too dumb to enjoy this thing so let me get vicarious entertainment out of watching someone who is competent enough to do the thing..." ??? No, is not me.

Do I need a tag for "this is tangential to an upcoming book review but it's sufficiently its own thing to make it its own post"? At this point, probably.

( Content note: pandemic discussion )

Just once it would be really great if I could get a clear, detailed, to-scale photograph of the monster who lives under my bed.

If I describe it in emotional, evocative terms, pointing out how slimy its tail is and how sharp its teeth are and how horrific its roar is, people worry about me and are afraid I'll get eaten. I don't think I'm at particularly high risk of getting eaten, actually! The monster has lived here for years and decades, and has never had the coordination or appetite to eat me! The fact that I've survived with the monster under my bed for so long means I'm more able to handle monsters than most people are.

But if I blithely write it off as "oh, it's nothing, just a monster," people will kind of nod and smile at me and think "okay, it's the kind of monster that kindergarteners have, it'll go away on its own." Well, I'm many years past kindergarten, and it didn't go away on its own. And all things being equal, I prefer not to complain about it to people if there's nothing they can do; that's how monsters reproduce. What if a tiny amoeba monster splits off from my monster and follows my friends home? Then there would be two monsters, that's even worse.

Maybe seeing the monster is just the price I pay for having X-ray vision, but neither of them are anything I had a choice in.

When I bring in an interior designer, they kind of blink and look around the room and ask "is there something I can help you with?" And I say "well, what I'd prefer, if at all possible, would be to not have the monster there."

Just because the monster is always there, doesn't mean I can always perceive it. I'm a fortunate person and have a lot of material possessions! There is often lots of clutter under my bed, between me and the monster. I can't necessarily see it behind all the more immediate things. Only every once in a while, when it makes enough noise to swoop those out of the way, does it occupy the full forefront of the space under my bed.

My parents are excellent parents and love me unconditionally. I'm grateful for their support. But even though I lived under their roof for eighteen years, they can't even see how many claws it has or what shape its tail takes. If they still can't see the monster, I'm not sure anyone else can.

Right now I'm not even asking for the monster to go away. (I mean, yes, I want that too, but one step at a time.) Just an accurate picture that doesn't over- or under-estimate its size and dangers. Is that too much to ask?

This is yet another "framework I turn over in my mind for a while, never have an excuse to write about, want to write a long and rambly book review, this will be a long and rambly digression, better make it its own post." As usual, I can't really talk about just one thing without a lot of digressions/tangents, but it fits together in my head. And a lot of it I've probably actually said before in different contexts, because they're long-term preoccupations, but I might have better ways of articulating it now than I did years or decades ago.

Also, I am absolutely not telling anyone to think this way or feel this way, I understand that it's not healthy. I'm trying to explain a neurosis that I already experience.

( Read more... )

This book is better than I'm making it sound. I have a small quibble with it, but it's one of those quibbles that I can't be concise about so I have to spend a lot of words on a digression or two before getting to the nitpicky point.

( racism? bad. sexism? also bad. )

Those with the magic touch to make their shoelaces stay tied, and the rest of us.

I understand they're trying to be helpful by informing "oh by the way, your shoelaces are untied (: " but like, I'm not wearing them that way as a fashion statement, I'm wearing them that way because they are unable to stay tied. Tell me something I don't know.

If you're inviting colleagues who you might not know well over to your house, it's well and good to say stuff like "we have a dog" in the e-mail. This kind of generic information may be important to people who are allergic to dogs.

What's even more useful to more people is if you specify whether your dog is old and sedentary, or one of the crazy kind of hyperactive creatures that will jump onto and bark at random strangers as soon as they come inside...

Sometimes I see a cool link and am like "that's neat, someone should write a story about that" and sometimes I see one that makes me go "...why do I even freaking bother when life is already weirder than anything I could write." I just finished a draft of a story that's due at the end of the month and don't really want to rework it at this stage, but...click here if you don't want to sleep.

I complained about this already on

seekingferret 's blog but it's come up again, so:

( cut for covid stuff )

-Over a year ago there was a book sale on mostly academic nonfiction books from a university press, so of course I splurged on a bunch of e-books and then...didn't read them, usually when I'm staring at a laptop I'm not in "book reading" mode. Then I got a Kindle, but womp womp, Amazon won't transfer those file formats. So I've been procrastinating on them but slowly getting through a couple, usually as palate cleansers between the SFF bingo stuff.

One of them was about visual art/imagery around the Olympics, and I wasn't sure whether it was going to be mostly a photo book or what. Maybe it would be a fast read, just browsing pictures. Turns out there's a lot of writing/analysis surrounding the artworks. But it also turns out that...none of the pictures display because they don't have a digital license. I can try Googling the captions, but can't copy-and-paste them because plagiarism bad. Someone did not think this through.

-It's amusing how good/bad fanfiction search can be. Today someone posted on reddit they were trying to find a fic they'd read in the past about a nameless Animorphs character who shows up only in book 29. They don't know the title, the author, or the name they gave to that character, and suspected that it would be very hard to search for unless someone had read it recently or frequently. I have not.

Well, lo and behold, when you type "29" into the search box for the Animorphs page on Ao3, there are only 14 hits, and from there it's straightforward to skim through and figure out which one it is from the summary. I'm a genius! ...Actually no I'm just lucky and familiar with Ao3. (Edit: OP confirmed, yes, this is the fic in question--although it's a WIP that was last updated in 2019.)

But then I realized I had mentally thought of a fic about a different nameless character who shows up only in book 29, a few pages later. If it's on Ao3...let's see, it's probably in English, marked as "complete," not a crossover, probably less than 5000 words? And doesn't contain any of the major characters except maybe Cassie. Boom, that filters from ~1600 works to ~130. Sort by kudos and I can browse through the first couple pages--if it's not there, it's probably not on Ao3 at all. Now what? Search on FFN, but what keywords? "Controller"? "Infested"? That's for the first fic, not this one. "McDonald's?" Hmm...

Okay, forget FFN summary search, just go to Google. site:fanfiction.net Animorphs McDonald's door. Boom, page 2, hit from 2004. And yes, I backed it up.

-I had an appointment with a new-to-me counselor last week and another one today. And by the end she candidly said "I don't think I would be a good fit for you, you should look for someone who takes a different approach." I admire the honesty! Because I feel like a lot of my conversations with counselors go like

( cut for rant )

...Anyway, at least we got to this point early and didn't waste each other's time.

( cut for brattiness )

"A zealot is just someone who can't change her mind; a fanatic is someone who can't change her mind and won't change the subject."

I'm half an hour into day two (out of two) staffing a conference with the world's perkiest oversharer. Send help (and snacks because the student union is closed for the weekend).

Edit: just heard about Comrade No-Boundaries' bad experiences with gyms for the third time in thirty hours. Stoooooop.

I feel like I already made this post, but maybe I just thought about it and grumbled IRL instead of posting, heh. It's a thought I've had before.

When I was in middle school, my band directors were very proud of us (and, by extension, themselves for teaching us so well). They would say stuff like "this is a pretty tricky piece, there are high schools that would probably have difficulty performing this, but we're giving it to you eighth-graders. Why? Because you're awesome and we know you can do it." And you know what? It worked for me. I appreciated being patted on the back and it pumped me up, even if I was only one of dozens, to feel like we were collectively "overachievers" in this context. Later, my brother and sister would make fun of this tendency from the directors (similar things in high school).

So, yes, there are times when telling your target audience "you know what? you're very special and talented, pat yourself on the back!" succeeds in giving them an ego boost, making them inclined to view you in a favorable light. There are also times when they will roll their eyes and laugh at you.

But there are times when this can backfire and just make you look stupid. "Hey guys, guess what? Not a lot of people know this, but actually, the earth goes around the sun! So next time you see some backwards person spouting geocentric nonsense, just remember: the earth really does go around the sun. The more you know! (: "

Presumably the intended goal here is, when people who actually do know that the earth goes around the sun hear this message, they think "wow, this is an obscure fact but I'm so enlightened I already knew that! Better pat myself on the back because I'm really smart." What actually happens is, they think, "this person I'm talking to has no idea what the 'average person' knows."

( RL/politics example )

Waiting for stuff to post about is like waiting for a bus, you wait a while and then, if you're me, the bus comes but you're on the wrong side of the street because you didn't zoom in on Google Maps properly and then by the time you cross over it's gone so you have to wait and...Never mind, this was a metaphor. I have lots of things happening! Mostly good. And I guess there's no rule that says I can't make one monster post with multiple topics but it feels like there should be one in my head.

( the not-so-good thing )

( Content note: politics (and stuff) )
Very tangentially, I've been thinking about how or if I would write a character who uses Milnesian Capitals because they see life as a Narrative with a Conflict between Right and Wrong and other such Personifications all the Time. I think it's likely to be very Annoying but in very Specific Contexts it could be Effective.

you can unfollow me at any time, I probably won’t know and even if I do I won’t be offended!
some of my fiction may have themes or implications that not everyone will agree with. It may be the case that I don’t agree with the implications of them because I am creating works of fiction and not ideological manifestos for how I would like the real world to be!
it may also be the case that sometimes I do agree with the subtexts or messages in a story, but that you might not. If you don’t want to engage with anyone who might possibly disagree with you on some things, you probably will want to unfollow me, because I am not going to agree with you on 100% of every issue, and even if I did, relevant issues and opinions change over time!
if you disagree with some of the themes in my stories but still want to read and enjoy some of the others, that is okay too! In the same way that I subscribe to people but only read their works in fandom X, you can subscribe to me but roll your eyes at fics you think are dumb. (Admittedly, it’s a little harder to filter those out, but that’s up to you.)
none of this excuses me from the responsibility I have to not be rude or hostile to other people. If you see me saying offensive or mean-spirited things on dreamwidth dot org or anywhere else, you are allowed and encouraged to yell at me and tell me to get off the internet!
the absence of rudeness and hostility (see above) is not equivalent to “mindless agreement and allowing people to put words in my mouth.” The absence of rudeness and hostility is, literally, “an absence of rudeness and hostility.” Nothing more, nothing less.
the above remains true at any time, I just thought it would be a good thing to repost today.

"The graveyards are full of indispensable men" -- someone, probably not Charles De Gaulle
( work work work )

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primeideal

February 2026

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Entries tagged with rant

this has nothing to do with anything but it could be antarctica vagueblogging, I guess

I Regret To Inform You That I Am Once Again Back On My Penguin Bullshit

For clarification purposes, the quote is being used metaphorically, no one died

Mr. Bad Example

(no subject)

Noble Lies

The monster

Bait and Switch

"Why We Love Baseball," by Joe Posnanski

Two types of people

Pro tip

Two more things make a post

Three things make a post

extreme pettiness

(no subject)

Flattery will get you somewhere

Bus

White House pets (and stuff)

Aperiodic reminder

Indispensable